At Saint Keyne in
Robert Southey, the poet, wrote a poem about the well.
The poem tells the story of a Cornishman,
about to get married,
who comes up with a cunning plan.
The plan is that, leaving his wife standing in the porch of the Church,
he will rush straight from the wedding service, down to the well to drink
from the water - before she gets there !
He soon discovers that his new wife is a lot smarter than he is:
in the poem the Cornishman says, rather, mournfully:
I hastened as soon as the
wedding was done,
And left my wife in the porch;
But I' faith she had been
wiser than me,
For
she took a bottle to church.
Between those newly weds, thanks to the well of Saint Keyne,
one partner will be the master of the other, in charge, giving the orders.
At first glance, some, perhaps many, have thought that this is just what
Paul means in his letters.
After all – doesn’t he write to the Church at
in chapter 5 verse v.22 wives submit
to your husbands ?
Reading these words, or
hearing about them, some have a great prejudice against Paul, thinking that
Paul intends that
one
partner will be the master of the other. The husband is to be set over the
wife. As if, in the old legend, the husband got to the well first……..
And at first sight, it seems
to be clear enough what Paul is saying:
He writes in verse 22: wives
submit to your husbands
clear
enough, that is, until we read this
in the
previous verse, verse 21: speaking about the relationship between husband and wife,
he
writes:
submit to one another……….
from
there Paul goes on to speak very profoundly about
the
relationship between husband and wife, but he begins by saying, before anything
else:
Submit to one another, out of
reverence for Christ. Now, that’s
the key. That’s where Paul starts: Submit to one another.
What is meant by this word submit – submit to one another
?
Does it mean taking turns to give the orders ?
That’s what happens on the
programme called Wife Swap on
television. The mother of one family leaves home to look after another family.
After one week, the mother draws up rules for the family she’s looking after:
house rules, tidiness
rules, meals rules, free time rules and so on. And the family she’s in charge
of has to follow these rules, as she gives the orders.
Is that what Paul means when
he says to the husbands and wives at
“I’ll do everything you say today, as long as you follow my orders tomorrow.”
What does the New Testament mean by the word submit ?
submit to one another ?
Well, we must listen to the
word of Jesus, from Luke’s gospel, chapter 10,
the
word of Jesus we heard last week:
What does it mean to submit to
one another ?
It means
this: to show love, and kindness, to the one who needs you.
This is the call of Jesus Christ to us.
It is simple, straightforward, direct……
Show love,
and kindness, to the one who needs you.
be generous in
spirit, be generous in caring.
And the New
Testament declares,
that that love,
kindness,
generosity of
spirit, generosity of care
has its source in
God’s love for us.
And from
God’s faithful love for us comes the love that we show others.
Drawing on
the Father’s, unfailing, steadfast love, for us
we find, the
strength to live and to love one another as husband and wife.
That’s what ‘submit to one another’ means.
Now, if you go on to look at the whole Bible you will discover that it
has a very deep, deep view of the relationship between man and wife…..
The situation is quite confused these days: with same sex blessings, civil partnerships, co-habitation. And of course, relationships break down, and things sometimes don’t work out……… as we will know from our own families and friends.
But the Bible is quite clear,
that human life is
immeasurably enrichened, human life is made complete when the relationship
between husband and wife works,
when the relationship between husband and wife is as it should be, as God intended…… Paul says, when a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one…….. (we read the same words in Mark 10.) What he means by this is not: a romantic idea of husband and wife wanting exactly the same things……..
By saying “the
two will become one” – the Bible means above everything else this: that
husband and wife together become one
human life together.
You are,
says Adam, to Eve, bone of my bone, flesh
of my flesh.
Husband and wife are part of one another in a relationship
of love and respect, one life lived
together.
That’s the heart of what Paul is getting at here in Ephesians.
Now, you and I know that
marriage can go through difficult, sticky patches,
doesn’t always work out for everybody,
and its always a great sorrow when
relationships break down, and
things don’t work out………
as we will know from our own families and friends.
So it is good that the Bible holds out before us……….
such a deep thing….
that God’s purpose is
this………..
that husband and wife, man
and wife are intended to be part of one another in a relationship of love and
respect, one life lived together.
How deep is the Bible’s view
of the life shared between husband and wife ?
Well, the apostle Paul, astonishingly,
likens it to the relationship between Jesus and the Church……..
What is that relationship ?
In verse 25, Paul reminds us: Christ out of
love for us, laid down His life for the Church, gathering
us as a people together.
Astonishingly, Paul holds this
before the Church at
This, I think, must surely be
the deepest, richest
picture
of family life, of married life, that there can be anywhere in the New
Testament…. or anywhere else for that matter. For this is what Paul is saying:
Just as Christ loves, takes
care of the Church, gives Himself, His own life for the Church, and the Church
responds in deepest respect and love for Jesus Christ, so in marriage – the
husband loves, takes care of his wife, directs his life towards her, gives up
his own life for her. And out of the deepest respect, and love the wife
responds to her husband.
Both draw….
draw on the
Father’s, unfailing, steadfast love, to find, the strength to live and to love
one another as husband and wife.
These days, all of us know
that relationships can falter or breakdown, this is the human life we so often
have to live with.
But, there can be no greater
picture of what life together is meant to be than that offered to us in the
Word, that God
gives us……
Living together, a life of mutual care, mutual love, serving one another.
And more than this, the Father
gives us too, the way of living like this…drawing on His love. So, drawing on the Father’s, unfailing, steadfast
love, for us in Jesus Christ, may we find, the
strength to live and to love one another in the way that He intends.
AMEN